Teen friendships are incredibly important for a teen’s mental health and livelihood. Adolescents are driven by a strong desire to fit in with their peers, and difficulty within their friendships can feel devastating. While healthy friendships can be incredible for teaching teens resilience, emotional intelligence, good communication, and other crucial life skills, toxic teen friendships have the opposite effect.
A toxic relationship is one where at least one person criticizes, belittles, manipulates, or tries to control their friend in some way. In a teen toxic relationship, someone might judge, gossip, or say cruel things. These friendships are demoralizing for a teen’s mental health and provide challenges for the whole family.
As a parent, you naturally feel protective of your child and want to intervene when you see your child navigating a toxic friendship. Ultimately, however, your teen needs to learn to make healthy decisions about relationships on their own. Engaging in open conversations with them about their relationships, and seeking therapy for teens or family therapy for support when necessary, can help empower your child to create healthy boundaries or let go of relationships that aren’t working.
What is a Teen Toxic Friendship?
A toxic friendship is one in which at least one person criticizes, belittles, manipulates, or tries to control the other. These dynamics can include behaviors like gossiping, exclusion, or even emotional abuse disguised as “helpful advice” or “jokes.” While there can be many reasons for struggles or difficulties in a friendship, toxic friendships are draining and demoralizing for a teen’s mental health, often leaving them confused about their own worth or boundaries.
Supportive, healthy friendships may also include harmful behaviors at times. However, a big difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy one is that all parties in a healthy relationship work to take accountability and repair the harm that was caused. They also take steps to learn and grow from their experiences so they don’t repeat endless cycles of harm.
Here are some behaviors a toxic friend might display:
Criticism or ridicule: Mockery, bullying, or putting someone else down regularly and without apology.
Gossiping: Talking negatively about someone or spreading rumors, either to them or behind their back.
Control: Trying to dictate how their friend spends their time, or making them feel bad for hanging out with other friends.
Peer pressure: Pressure around risky behaviors, like substance use, stealing, or other harmful activities.
Social media cruelty: Posting mean or private things about somebody else online.
Refusing to take accountability: Denying, gaslighting, downplaying their role in harm, or manipulating the truth when called out on their behavior.
If your teen is stuck in a toxic friendship cycle, these behaviors can have profound impacts on their self-esteem and overall mental health. Rejection and cruelty in friendships are devastating at any age, particularly during adolescence when social belonging is such a huge developmental stage.
Difference Between a Toxic Friendship and a Healthy Friendship
In a healthy friendship, both people should:
Support and encourage one another
Accept each other for who they are, quirks and all
Foster trust and honesty
Be kind and compassionate
Apologize and take responsibility when mistakes are made
Remember, too, that teens who behave poorly in their relationships are often struggling with their own mental health issues or problems at home. While this isn’t a reason to stay in a friendship with someone who continues to be toxic, it’s helpful to keep in mind. It can promote compassion and self-compassion in your teen. Plus, it can help them learn that other people’s behavior is usually a reflection of the other person’s internal world – not a reflection of them.
How to Talk to Your Child About Their Friendships
When you see your child struggling, of course, you want to step in and intervene. You want what’s best for your kid, and seeing them unhappy or struggling can have ripple effects on the whole family. Watching your teen struggle with a toxic friendship is no different. However, trying to take over and remove a bad influence from your teen’s life can often backfire. Ultimately, they need to learn to make decisions about their relationships on their own. A more effective approach is to engage in open conversations with your teen about their friendships, empowering them to make their own choices.
Here are some strategies for talking to your teen about their friendships:
Ask open-ended questions. Ask questions with the intent of being curious about their experience, not about fixing anything. Gently ask reflective questions, like how they feel when their friend behaves in a certain way, and don’t judge their answers or thought processes. This communication style helps your teen trust that they can come to you to talk about hard things.
Discuss the traits of healthy relationships. Talk about the importance of things like mutual respect, trust, and kindness. Ask them who they feel safe with and who they can be fully themselves around. Reflect on healthy relationships in your child’s life, and talk about what makes them healthy. Exploring what supportive relationships look like together can give your teen a solid foundation for how to build them in their own life.
Be patient and nonjudgmental. Create a safe space for your teen to express their feelings without fear of criticism or backlash. Help your teen become aware of the difference between supportive relationships and toxic ones, but don’t try to persuade them to make any particular decision. Make sure they know you’re there when you need them, but don’t try to live their lives for them.
Support For Toxic Teen Friendships
If your teen is struggling with a toxic friendship or needs support in building healthier relationships, you might not have the capacity or resources to provide all the support on your own. That’s what our team of skilled teen therapists are here for.
Teen therapy with one of our skilled teen specialists can be a transformative resource for everyone in your family. At Liz Morrison Therapy, we don’t just put a band-aid on symptoms. Instead, we get to know your child and your whole family. Meeting each of you where you are and taking time to build a trusting, caring relationship with your teen.
We’re here to help your child:
Build self-worth and separate their sense of value from how others treat them.
Learn the difference between supportive and toxic relationships.
Recognize and honor their needs and limitations and set clear, healthy boundaries in relationships.
Develop communication skills to express their feelings and needs effectively.
Safely process big emotions, like grief and guilt, of ending a friendship.
Strengthen resilience, heal from friendship challenges, and build healthier connections in the future.
Through therapy, your teen can also explore ways to foster friendships rooted in mutual respect, kindness, and understanding. Over time, they’ll gain the tools they need to navigate relationships with confidence and clarity.
Begin Overcoming Toxic Friendships With Therapy For Teens in Manhattan, New York City, Brooklyn, or anywhere else in New York
If your teen struggles with overcoming toxic friendships, therapy for teens can help them cope. Take the first step toward a brighter future for your teen by reaching out for guidance and support at Liz Morrison Therapy. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
1. Contact us to schedule an appointment for therapy for teens
2. Begin meeting with a skilled teen therapist
3. Start on the path toward healthier friendships!
Additional Services Offered at Liz Morrison Therapy
Our team at Liz Morrison Therapy is here to help you and your family no matter your mental health struggle. In addition to supporting your teen and helping them overcome toxic friendships in therapy for teens, our services also include Parenting Support for those looking to create healthy relationships with their children to help them live their best lives, Young Adult Therapy for individuals looking for support, guidance, and real-world strategies to help them deal with their struggles, and Anxiety Therapy for those wanting to cope with their anxiety in healthy ways. We offer services for the whole family. Our online therapy services are offered in Westchester County, Manhattan, New York City, Brooklyn, and anywhere else in New York state. For more about us check out our Blogs and FAQs.